Grown Men and Verbal Exchanges.

I was on my way from Rumuola to Choba when these two grown ass men decided to take a go at it. I’ll ball-park both men’s age at late forties. I mean they went the whole 9 yards cat fight, the face-scratching- hair-pulling- hitting-below-the-belt-fight, metaphorically speaking.

  If you know you can’t handle savagery of a stupendous amount, if you know you have the faintest of heart when it comes to confrontations, I’ll advice you to refrain from reading further, just take the exit at the next full stop (pun intended). I recorded all the verbal exchange that went on, I can’t upload audio to the blog so I had to transcribe it. Get ready; it’s a war zone down there.

Passenger: Na you start am.

Driver: Start wetin?

Passenger: Na him I dey tell you, cause you're a fool, I dey tell you the correct thing

Driver: Which correct thing?

……… silence ……….

Driver: you do teeth like caterpillar

Passenger: hmmnn

Driver: kpor, kpor, kpor, kpor,kpor, you no dey close your mouth

Passenger: How I go close my mouth

Driver: you're a fool

Passenger: i be fool like you?

Driver: You're a fool na, everyone that Is in this car dey quiet, except you.

Passenger: You can’t cheat me na, you can’t cheat me

Driver: I dey cheat you?

Passenger: I no go close my mouth

Driver: You know say the first work wey you work dem sack you because of your mouth, yes or no? yes or no?

Passenger:  *Laughs*

Driver: The first work wey you work as you finish school dem sack you, because you learn bad character from your mother, and if I'm not mistaken that’s what kill your father early.

Passenger: You dey really—

Driver: I am telling you my simple truth, look ehn,I am a man of God

Passenger: You dey really, you dey really talk like small pikin

Driver: You copy nonsense from your mother, na him kill your father.

Passenger: Ya mother---

Driver: You're a fool

Passenger: Ya mother na him dey teach you this bad character.

Driver: You're a fool, you're a fool, mumu, mumu

Driver: You think say you over wise?

Driver: Your body be like woman body, because of wetin? You copy from your mother, you no lean from your father

Passenger: I agree

Driver: That’s why you talk anyhow

Passenger: I agree. I no even know why I join you talk, I dey shame for myself

Driver: Nooooo, you go end am o, wetin you start you go end am, you be fool. I be mumu like you? I dey carry pikin up and down? You carry teeth like shovel.

Passenger: C'mon get away you

Driver: C’mon shut up your mouth

Passenger: My teeth dey like shovel? You fine pass me?

Driver: Oorrrhhh, him say I fine? I dey work taxi work since morning, if I commot now I still fine pass you. I dey sweat since morning dey clean my sweat.

Passenger: Na so

Driver: But if you come down now, I still fine pass you

Passenger: Na so

Driver: See you face like garri wey soak water

*3  seconds silence*

Driver: Nonsense

Driver: When your wife come, him put money for your hand then know say you be mumu

Passenger: If you like, come collect wetin you go collect

Driver: So you get money? How much your wife give you this morning before she go work? Fool like you

Passenger: Ohhhhh

Driver: Fool like you, shut up your mouth there

*5 seconds silence*

Driver: I for say make you slap your sense but you fit? You no fit na, you no get the sense.

Ouch, that was savage.

*4 seconds silence*

Driver: When we reach choba now, that pikin go don sleep, you go kan carry am for shoulder like nama (cow meat), you go dey walk for road like nama. Motor go dey blow horn for you, you go dey confused, that’s why you need deliverance o.

Passenger: Na my pikin, if my pikin sleep I go carry am

Driver: That’s why you need deliverance

Passenger: I go carry my pikin, from January to December we go dey house? If you dey shame to carry your own, I go carry my own waka.

Driver: Na you first born na, na you first born for Port-Harcourt. Just talk say you dey do house boy for your wife na, simple—

Passenger: Na, get away you

Driver: Someone go dey talk, you go dey argue

Passenger: Maybe you dey shame for ya children, if you carry dem commot people go begin to dey laugh you------

Driver: If you see my boys----

Passenger: The way dem dey----

Driver: ----you sef go confirm

Passenger: The way dem dey, the way dem dey sef be like you

Driver: You think say I be monkey like you?

Passenger: Every work na work, I no dey look down on anybody, even if you be taxi driver, do the right thing, do the right thing so that your conscience would not judge you. If passenger stop you for road, carry, no be say no passenger go stop you and you just stop us and we dey hurry to reach house. You no see passenger you just stop, that one na the right thing be that

Driver: I think, the medicine wey I give you, you confirm am?

Passenger: Wetin? Wetin be that?

Driver: Go deliverance o, I give you medicine for this motor, you no hear am?

Passenger: Which message, which message be that?

Driver: So your wife would not be stingy to you, I don give you message o.

Passenger: You no give me no message

Driver: Tell me, which year your papa die?

Passenger: Ehhh

Driver: Yes or no? no no no no—

Passenger: I no hold am—

Driver: Which year?

Passenger: --- I for open picture now, open picture now show you—

Driver: Of the burial?

Passenger: ---, my people, my people no dey die early

Driver: C'mon shut up your mouth there

Passenger: Both mama and papa side, no dey die early

Driver: Learn to shut up your mouth, make you mouth no dey put you for trouble

Passenger: For where I dey for my right? Na him my mouth go put me for trouble? You think say I go carry zhjip, zhjip my mouth

Driver: You say wetin? Zhjip?

Passenger: Carry zip, I no know wetin you dey talk

Driver: You no see say I want to treat you like the scapegoat that you are?

So this went on for another 3 minutes before we got to our destination, and i was just there sipping my coffee in different shades of people and recording the whole thing. The conclusion to the saga entailed the passenger trying to prove how much of a better man that he was by paying an extra #100 naira for the transport, just to prove a point to the driver. What a rich guy.